Past Life Regression Therapy and me

I’ve had a lot of therapy over the years sweetie. LOTS. I’m not sure why I need therapy more than other people, but I think being famous means you’re more likely to need it. And afford it.

I recommend therapy to everyone I meet darlings. And someone who thinks they don’t need therapy is actually more in need of it than someone who does. Isn’t that funny sweetie? I call it ‘being in denial’.

I first had therapy when I was a twenty year old model and single mum. My husband had just run off with a fellow model and left me to bring up Leaf on my own. I’d been a child actress and to be honest that screws you up more than anything. My first therapist was Dr T and he showed me how to nurture my inner child. After that I did Hypnotherapy with Dr A and Neuro Linguistic Programming with Dr K. There was some standard counselling with Dr T and then I discovered Aura Cleansing with Madam X. I still have my aura cleansed once a fortnight.

This week I underwent some therapy I’d not experienced before: Past Life Regression Therapy. I’ve always held the belief that I was a French harlot in Louis XVI’s royal court. It was wonderful fun darlings, let me tell you.

So for my session with Dr F, I was put under hypnosis and regressed to my past life. I expected scenes similar to Dangerous Liaisons. But do you know what sweetie? I was disgusted with the results. Dr F couldn’t find the French harlot at all, instead he came across Alf a fruit and veg seller in Borough Market who ended up dying in a workhouse at the age of 34.

I can only guess Dr F made it all up. What a load of crap. In future I’m sticking to therapy which I know is for real. My aura feels the need for an extra long cleanse next week.