Did I tell you I have a book deal? Introducing my book

I've been so busy the past few days and that's because I've had endless meetings with my ghost writer. I'm writing a book you see darlings and this ghost writer is helping me. As far as I'm concerned I don't need a ghost writer, I'm fully capable of writing it all myself. But I'm a busy lady and apparently the publisher wants this ghost writing woman to do it.

I can't concentrate when I'm meeting with ghost woman. I hate to say it sweetie but she's scruffy. There she is at my kitchen table talking about plotlines and all I can think about are her split ends which need trimming and the gorgeous acrylic nails she could cover up her bitten stumps with. And so little make-up. A woman of her age needs to make an effort. Make-up free at 19 is passable, at 29 it's dodgy and at 39 it's fatal. Don't even get me started on no make-up at 49 and beyond.

I've given ghost woman numerous make overs in my head during our sessions. Maybe I should be a stylist instead of a writer?

I know you're just desperate to know what my book's about so here's a taster sweetie. It's fiction but loosely based on aspects of my life: "Fi Fi is a beautiful actress with a terrible secret. She's torn between two men she truly loves: Fabio the singer and Benjamin the actor. Fi Fi has to navigate her way through the celebrity world never really knowing if anyone is who they claim to be. And there's a wealthy media mogul who seems to have it in for her. As she battles with negative media exposure, her lovers, a shoe addiction and Irritable Bowel Syndrome, Fi Fi embarks on a path into her past which yields up a tragic family story which changes her life forever."

This is the blurb I've written myself. I don't need a scruffy ghost woman do I darlings?