My hands-on day with the children

I feel I may have been a bit mean to my nanny recently so yesterday I said, "Sweetie, take the morning off. I'll look after the children." She looked reluctant to start with but I managed to shove her dreadful Ugg boots on her and kick her out of the door.

I've heard CBeebies is good for entertaining children so I got that on the telly after phoning the nanny to find out what channel it was on (614 on Sky if you ever need to know darlings). So Gabriel watched some strange Mr Bumble or Mr Wumble character while Tulip crawled about and tried to eat the dog food. You can't take your eye off them for two minutes can you darling? Well I did that actually and then had to remove one of Dolce's Bonios from her mouth (Dolce is our labradoodle).

The doctor told me that dog food can't poison babies so that was a huge relief. Then as soon as I got off the phone my agent rang and Gabriel chose that moment to cling to my legs and wail for food. Then Tulip started crying too and I didn't know what that was about. After a difficult phone call in which I probably agreed to some obscure television appearance, I managed to keep the children quiet with a packet of Oreos.

After the biscuits the children still seemed to be hungry so I found the freezer and managed to put some fish fingers under the grill. As I did so my bestest friend, Sooks, rang to say she was in Harvey Nicks and had just spotted the Givenchy studded Lalia Bugatti bag. Squeeee! Without a moment to spare I rang the nanny and ordered her back home so I could dash off to Knightsbridge.

The fish fingers burnt in that time and some alarms got set off. Luckily the nanny knew how to turn them off again. She then told me that nearly nine month old babies don't normally eat fish fingers and that there are pots of organic baby food in the cupboard. So I told her I ate fish fingers as a baby and they never did me any harm and stormed off to buy my arm candy as a treat. Why do people think they know your own children better than you?

So I'm now the proud owner of this bag. But I deserve it because it was a TOUGH DAY darlings, and Jagger wasn't even there he'd stayed over at his friend's house - the son of an 80s band keyboard player. Not as successful as Rock Star was, but quite nice all the same.